Monday, 12 April 2010

Reaction sets in

 Photo: angmac

* I've been working really hard for the last couple of months, setting up and running a conference. I'm lucky, really, the people I run it for are nice, the college where it took place last week was comfortable and the staff couldn't have been more helpful, and my wonderful younger son has been my conference assistant for 10 years, not only working hard during the event, but driving us both there and back (have I admitted it here before? I don't drive - and if I did, at conference time, I'd probably kill us both.)

As of Friday afternoon, I'm back, and I enjoyed the weekend. I indulged in the only form of retail therapy that remotely interests me - I spent rather too much at the garden centre, and spent yesterday afternoon up to my elbows in compost. Today, however, despite lovely weather, and a cast-iron (you'd think) excuse to take time off (I am due at least 5 days in lieu, since I worked most weekends in the last month), I turned on the computer - a grant application looms, and I thought I'd better spend some time clearing up the outstanding email, at least. Only to find that the deadline for a second grant application has been brought forward a month, and I now have to prepare 2 submissions in the next three weeks. So now it's 8.15pm and I have alienated both husband and aforementioned wonderful son by losing my temper in an entirely manufactured way. I feel very unkindly towards the world.

Normally, one of the few things I like about being 55 is being much more equable. Most of the time these days I pass pretty convincingly for cheerful, and if I mention a tendency to moodiness people look surprised. Tiredness is my undoing, though, and a conference causes more than just a energy dip. I ran on pure adrenaline for several days, and now I'm suffering the consequences. And I'm afraid the growly black dog may be around for some time, because I hate grant applications more than anything else I can think of. Grrr-r-r.

* This wasn't at all the post I was planning. I was quite cheerful until half way through the washing up...

3 comments:

mountainear said...

Hope an even keel has been found and you and your loved ones are not snarling at each other any longer. Tiredness and its consequences are the pits.

ps - notice you have Oliver Rackham on you reading list - that's a book I dip into time and again.

Nan said...

Gosh, I'm sorry. I wish your black dog was cheerful and running on that beach. I wish you could retire and do the gardening and reading that you love so much. I wish I were closer to bring you some ginger cookies. All I can say is I'm thinking of you.

GeraniumCat said...

M'ear, despite having a couple of horrible weeks in prospect, equanimity is largely restored, thank you, helped by people like Oliver Rackham - he's so interesting.

Nan, I wish I could retire! and I do love ginger, those cookies would be very sustaining. Thanks for your support.